The Art of Being a Trustworthy Friend: Reflections on Trust, Privacy, and True Support

Friendship is a nuanced, layered experience. We often celebrate friends for their fun company, shared adventures, or the comfort they bring in everyday life. But what truly defines a dependable and trustworthy friend goes beyond the surface. It’s about holding space for each other’s vulnerabilities, respecting privacy, and being someone your friends can count on when it matters most.

I’ve been reflecting on this recently, inspired in part by the life of Chadwick Boseman. His courage on and off-screen was remarkable, but what struck me even more was how he battled cancer privately for years. Not a single detail about his health was leaked to the public—not by his family, not by his friends. They protected him, not for recognition or applause, but out of deep respect and loyalty. It was a masterclass in what it means to be trustworthy.

That reflection brought me back to my own life. I was going through a difficult period recently and found myself needing to open up. I realized that I couldn’t share everything with everyone—I had to protect myself from the potential breach of trust. I narrowed it down to four friends I knew I could rely on to respect my privacy. This was echoed in therapy, where my therapist asked me to imagine my "pallbearers"—figuratively, the people who would carry me, my support system. I realized I had five instead of six. It was a simple exercise, yet it made me think deeply about the importance of trust and reliability in our friendships.

Too often, when we hear about someone who has taken their own life, the narrative is "they should have spoken up." But what if they didn’t feel safe enough to share because their circle wasn’t trustworthy? This reflection has led me to examine the kind of friend I am. I know I am generally trustworthy—my friends come to me in times of need, and I hold their vulnerabilities with care—but even I have moments of weakness where I’ve let something slip. It’s a humbling reminder that trust is fragile and must be nurtured.

Friendship is not one-size-fits-all. We can have different types of friends, each serving a unique role in our lives. Some are for adventures and laughs, others for deep emotional support, prayer, career guidance, or financial help. Some friends fall into multiple categories, while others exist only in one. Compartmentalizing friendships doesn’t make them less meaningful; it allows us to honor the boundaries and strengths of each relationship.

Mel Robbins, in her podcast on female friendships, emphasizes the importance of understanding the nuances in our friendships—the different energies, roles, and expectations. Oprah Winfrey also highlights that true friends respect boundaries, celebrate your successes without jealousy, and are present when life gets difficult. Both perspectives remind us that friendship is an art, not a mere social convenience.

This reflection is a gentle challenge for all of us: ask yourself, are you the friend your loved ones feel safe confiding in? Do you respect their privacy, even when it’s tempting to share? Do you truly carry their burdens alongside them? Being a dependable, trustworthy friend requires mindfulness, empathy, and sometimes, tough self-reflection. But in doing so, we create circles where vulnerability is safe, support is real, and love is tangible.

I want to take a moment to personally thank those friends who have stood the test of time and made space for me to be vulnerable. Your presence, discretion, and unwavering support have meant more than words can capture. You are my pillars, my safe space, and my chosen family.

As we navigate the complexities of life and friendship, let’s commit to being the kind of friend Chadwick Boseman’s circle was—quietly loyal, fiercely protective, and unwaveringly present. Our friends deserve nothing less.