To hold on or let go..

My young sister is getting married tomorrow....For the past two weeks I have been trying to write the maid of honor speech, and still have nothing. This is puzzling because i usually have a lot to say, in fact I am the  most talkative person my friends know. So when i say i have nothing to say....you know its bad. Every time i get the Pen to write something down, I am overwhelmed with so many emotions, i don't know whether to laugh or cry. Its not that am not happy for her....on the contrary am ecstatic that she found the love of her life and they are going to be spending the rest of their lives together. Its just that, all my life its always been sheila and I; and now that she's getting married i feel like am losing a part of me, like I only have half a heart left. Sheila (that's her name) is three years younger than I am. We look so much alike most people think we are twins. We have always shared everything together. We went to the same school, had the same hair styles, wore similar clothes, carried similar bags, slept in the same room. Its always been Sheila and I, we always said we would get married and live in the same house... It feels like only yesterday i was holding her hand to cross the road, teaching her to ride a bicycle and now she's all grown up moving on and she is going to be trusting her hand with someone else now.... If ever there was someone that can blackmail me, its her. She knows everything about me, what can i say, she is not just my sister, she is my best friend, she is my other half. Don't get me wrong, i have other siblings and i love them dearly, but being that they are way older than I am, sheila and I were closest.
 I walked her to her class room on her fist day at school, beat up anyone that bullied her, yes i used to be violent...but not anymore, i have since moved on from my Tomboy tendencies. If i started to talk about sheila, a lifetime wouldn't be enough, and yet i cant find the right words to write in the speech. I am honored that she chose me as her maid of honor, But sometimes i think maybe it should have been someone else. I have too much attachment to her to me it feels like a surgeon having to operate on his mother.
I have never known a life without Sheila, and now she's leaving me forever. I know it sounds dramatic but that's how i feel. I feel like We should have had a little more time to share my bed, because I am scared of sleeping in it alone. We should have a little more time, to gossip about my parents and siblings, a little more time to trash boys, a little more time to steal each others clothes, a little more time to fight for the bathroom, You see its too soon for me. Way too soon. To me she is and always will be my baby sister that i carried when I was three, and asked my mum if she would accept my doll in return for sheila as barter trade. I don't know how to live without her. I have avoided it for three months and now that its finally happening tomorrow, I see her pack her things and realize, its not one of those times she goes to school and comes back after three months, its forever, and my eyes well up.  Am just not ready to give up my sister yet. I know everyone tells me its going to be fine, she will come visit, and i know she will, but it will never be the same. She's never going to sleep in my bed and take my covers, or kick me all night, its never going to be the same.
Am such a mess thinking about all this but yet somewhere in my heart i know that even if am losing a part of me,  am gaining an awesome brother in-law. I know he will probably treat her nicer than i did, love her more than i do, and that gives me comfort. Am getting two for the price of one. To Sheila and Clive, I wish you nothing but the best. May you be blessed beyond measure. May your marriage be filled with Love in abundance, laughter, peace, joy and harmony.
I Love you Beyond words can express.
Tanya Love